Los Angeles has a wide and varied queer community with many different pockets. There are the gays of West Hollywood, the community in Long Beach and, where our story for today starts, the queer scene on the East side. We partnered with James Kim, an LA native and the co-host of the podcast “The Competition.” James and his team explore a different type of beauty competition, one that involves leather. Theme song by Andrew Eapen.
Los Angeles has a wide and varied queer community with many different pockets. There are the gays of West Hollywood, the community in Long Beach and, where our story for today starts, the queer scene on the East side. We partnered with James Kim, an LA native and the co-host of the podcast “The Competition.” James and his team explore a different type of beauty competition, one that involves leather. Theme song by Andrew Eapen.
Speaker: Hey. The following episode of Tales of Your City contains language and themes that skew a little more adult. Just a note, in case you’re listening with your kids. Enjoy.
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Charlie: Welcome to Tales of Your City, an exploration of queer identity and community across America, brought to you by Netflix. My name is Charlie Barnett and I’m the host of this week’s episode—Los Angeles.
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Charlie: In partnership with Tales of the City, the new limited series now streaming on Netflix, we are working with independent queer storytellers each week to shine light on the cities we inhabit, the ways we connect, and moments in which we find space to be our true, authentic selves.
Speaker: Being accepted in the leather community, it’s very butch, it’s very masculine. I wear heels, I wear makeup—so I’ve always meant to stand out and, you know, if there’s anything you can learn, it’s just be yourself 100% all the time and if they don’t like you, that’s none of your damn business anyway.
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Charlie: If you only know one thing about the queer scene in LA, it’s probably West Hollywood where celebrities and gays dance to the top 40 hits, where the crosswalks are painted rainbows and where hundreds of thousands of people flood its streets during LA Pride weekend.
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Charlie: But just a few miles east there’s a kind of scene that’s tucked away in an alley, where the TV’s are playing porn and where the DJ’s are spinning German techno, where men are dressed in all leather. Today’s story is from James Kim, he’s an LA native and a co-host of the podcast, The Competition. And his story starts in the heart of Silver Lakes ‘gay-borhood’ at a bar called The Eagle. So get ready for Mr. Leather from The Competition.
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Ben: It was Thursday. I went to dinner with a friend and then I got a text from another friend that said, “We’re going to the Eagle.” I said, “Okay.” And I drove to the Eagle, and there were—I could—there was no parking anywhere. I was, like, it’s Thursday, what’s going on? I don’t understand. And I walked in and it was the drag race, the RuPaul’s Drag Race finale. And even in the, like, leather Levi suit butch, like, the Eagle, LA—it was packed with people totally invested in the show that was happening on the TV screens. And when the show ended, everyone was so shocked and so happy and, like, there was so much emotion happening—and I looked around at all of the queers being queer, all of the gays just being gay, and still, like, I’m still that little, that little faggot from North Carolina who, every time I see that many queers together, I just start crying because I can’t believe we’re still allowed to do that, you know?
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James: That feeling that Ben Caufier [phonetic 00:03:04] is talking about, I felt it too when I went to my first drag race viewing party at the Eagle in LA. I, like, couldn’t contain my smile, my laughter, my just pure joy of being surrounded by queer people who were just into the same thing that I was. It was overwhelming. And like Ben, Thursday nights were not my regular night. On the weekends, the Eagle is packed with men dressed in leather, boots, harnesses, Garrison hats. It’s the bar to go to in LA if you’re into leather, which if you couldn’t tell, is totally my scene.
[Music]
James: So I found the Eagle when I was in college. It was when I was getting comfortable with my sexuality and when I started hooking up for the first time. And I remember my friend was, like, “Hey, James, you’re into older, hairier men. Why don’t we go check this place out? I think you’ll like it.” And we go and we walk in and I was just hit with the smell of sweat, cigar smoke and leather. There is a guy getting whipped with a flogger in the back room, there is these two shirtless hairy dudes making out and feeling each other up in a dark corner. It was, like, if my favorite porn video had come to life.
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James: My love for leather started at a early age. I was in middle school and the computer was in the living room and everyone in the house was sleeping, I swear. And I remember using Yahoo or something, you know, because it’s the 90’s, and I searched ‘hairy gay men’.
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James: The weird thing was that it wasn’t the photos of real men that caught my eye, but it was this black and white pencil drawing of a burly, thick, hairy dude dressed all in leather. So I was going down this rabbit hole and I found more drawings in the same style. And I found out that it was the work of Touko Laaksonen. Most people know him as Tom of Finland. He began drawing erotic pictures of older men when he was in his early teens. Then after WWII, he developed his signature style, which was chiseled chins, bulging muscles, a dominating stature. And at first, he, like, was doing this all in secret. I mean, this was the 50’s, but despite that, Tom of Finland started to publish these pictures of leather men in an all-nude, all male magazine, called Physique Pictorial, which was mainly a photography magazine. And there was a small community that started to latch onto these drawings and dress like them too. And it was this signature style, the Tom of Finland look, that became kind of a nod to let other queer people know that you were also queer, without saying it. The look became a scene, but not everyone was welcomed.
Speaker: We are at a point in the leather world where there is a generational shift happening, and there are lots of people that point to the myths of the old guard as the way that we should exist, and point to a Tom of Finland drawing and say, “This is what we all need to be and need to look like and need to do.” And I think it’s an age thing. I think there are younger people that say, “There are so many ways to be and so many ways to be queer and so many ways to be leather, that that cannot be the ideal.”
[Music]
James: Looking the part in the leather community comes with some hard-set rules. One, black boots must be properly polished and, yes, only black leather boots. One must never mix black and brown leather, one must never put on another person’s leather unless they put it on you. And honestly, the list goes on and on. Following these rules is really about respecting the tradition. It’s so show that you take this fetish seriously. They’re not just putting on a leather harness because it looks cool—you’re doing it because you want to be a part of the community, a community that is centered around a certain look, dominating, masculine, but also very white.
Ben: Part of the thing that I think needs to happen in leather, is that there’s a lot of white men sort of in charge of things and representing things and on posters. And I think that that needs to change.
James: And Ben Caufier is in the perfect position to allocate for that change, because he’s one of 11 contestants competing for the title of Mr. Los Angeles Leather.
[clip plays]
James: It’s a competition that happens every year, where the leather community comes together and roots for their favorite to win. And whoever wins becomes the ambassador for the community and they also get a nice-looking sash too. But it’s not an easy feat to be crowned the champion. There’s multiple rounds, costume changes, passionate speeches.
[clip plays]
James: This competition means a lot to the people in the leather scene in Los Angeles. There’s a ton of parties and leather nights leading up to the event, and that’s how we met Don Mike, the man who just compared Mr. LA Leather to Ms. America. He’s been a part of the leather community in LA for more than 18 years, and honestly, he is absolutely right. I mean, some people don’t like the comparison because they just feel like it takes the seriousness away from the competition. But, you know, let’s be real—it is like a beauty pageant—and R-rated beauty pageant.
[Music]
James: In previous years, almost all the competitors were really butch, white men. It was basically a collection of walking Tom of Finland drawings. But this year, the contestants are a better representation of the leather scene in LA, in terms of race, economic background and even kink. Like, Spike, a contestant who says he can kick your ass and do your makeup.
Spike: Being accepted in the leather community, it’s very butch, it’s very masculine. I wear heels, I wear makeup, you know, I have piercings, I have tattoos, I wear nail polish—so I’ve always meant to stand out and, you know, if there’s anything you can learn, it’s just be yourself, 100% all the time. And if they don’t like you, that’s none of your damn business anyway.
James: Or Jose.
Jose: I grew up really poor, Mexican family. I was the first generation here. I am—for somebody like myself, that was really, like, taught not to be sexually active, just be Mexican, go to work, for me to actually come out and just be myself, I think I would serve as a good role model. I never seen anybody of my descent actually win.
James: Then there’s Papiyoshi [phonetic 00:11:14].
Papiyoshi: It would certainly be a great honor to win Mr. LA Leather. The opportunity to stand up on stage as a person of color, as an Asian man—to be someone who you don’t really see very often in the community, and to be able to stand on that stage, to me, that’s a story of the victory right there.
James: And of course, Ben, who actually didn’t start dressing in full leather until last year, when he went to his first ever Mr. LA Leather.
Ben: So I stood there in the back and I was so nervous because I didn’t know a lot of people, and the people that I did know were rushing around, you know, doing things and being important leather people. So I just sort of stood there meekly in the back the whole time and tried to absorb as much of it as I could.
James: It’s kind of crazy that Ben is a newbie to this competitive world of leather, because when I went around asking people who were their favorite contestants, the answer was pretty universal.
James: If I were to say, “Name your top three, who would it be?”
Female: Top three—Susia [phonetic 00:12:19], Taz and Ben.
Male: Well, Ben has something very special that I think every titleholder should have. He’s very personable, he’s got a great sense of humor, he’s got that—I cannot tell you what it is, but there’s something very special about him that I really like.
Male: He, he won my heart when he mentioned welts on his back.
James: And why do you like Ben?
Male: I just think he’s cute.
Female: Hi, how’s it going?
Male: Good, come on in.
James: So, producer, Alyssa Dudley, went to Ben’s house a day before the competition and she is amazing, because like any great audio producer, she was, like, “Wait, wait, wait, before we start the interview, you need to take me to your closet and show me what you’re going to wear tomorrow.
Alyssa: I see harnesses here.
Ben: Yes, there’s a couple of harnesses. This is the one that—it actually attaches to a ring down around my junk, and then comes up around my shoulders.
James: I saw what Alyssa was doing—she was trying to break the ice, because she could tell Ben was a little anxious about the big day.
Ben: I keep trying to put my nerves aside, because it just is going to be what it is. And once I get in it, I can’t—there’s only so much you can prepare. Like, I have clothes to wear, I know a little bit about leather. I don't know what else to do. So I just have to be who I am and be me. So I can’t be nervous about that because it’s—I already have that. Like, I already am me.
James: Ben is a costumer for film and TV and Ben’s husband is an expert tailor. So, yeah, they go all out with their leather gear.
Male: Yeah, I do my own and I make him let me do his.
James: Ben’s husband is also named Ben. I know, it’s a crazy coincidence. And Ben and his husband have a love story straight out of a Hollywood movie. It all started when Ben was working at a costume shop, when the man that would one day become his husband walked through the door.
Ben: I don't know why, for some reason I looked out the door and you could see—there’s, like, a long hallway down to the front of the place. And I saw him walk in. And I saw this man from all the way across the costume shop. And he saw me.
Ben: And it was literally, like, oh, my God, who is that?
Ben: And he sort of, like—he rushed over to the front room and—you tell, you know this. You tell—you tell this way better than I do.
Ben: Go ahead, it’s your story.
Ben: Oy vey. It just so happened that he knew the woman that I was there with. So I, like, raced up there to talk to her right away and just, like, she was my long-lost best friend, you know, because I was going to meet him.
Ben: He said hello to her and then he introduced himself to me and—“Oh, hi, what’s your name?” “Ben. What’s your name?” “Ben.” “Oh, oh.” And then sort of all of the oxygen got sucked out of the room.
Ben: Sort of like lightning going off.
Ben: And everybody else got a little uncomfortable.
Ben: Like, literally couldn’t breathe.
Ben: You know, it’s that moment in the movie where you only see the two people and the whole background is just swirling around them—and it was super gross, but really, really sweet.
Ben: And it was definitely love at first sight.
Ben: We couldn’t actually speak for several months to each other, because the tension was just too thick.
Ben: There was lots of non-verbal communication.
Ben: I came back at some point to the costume shop and he—I just—I couldn’t even speak to him. I just wanted to, like, hug him—you know, I just wanted to be close physically.
Ben: For some reason, he’s almost to the door and he turned back around and it scared me and I totally jumped. It was so odd. And then he just turned and left. I was, like, what the hell just happened?
James: It took a little time and with the help of a dating app, of course—but eventually, as you can tell, they started seeing each other.
Ben: Our third date, he had spent the entire evening telling me he wasn’t interested in dating, he didn’t want a boyfriend, he didn’t have time, he didn’t believe in love and he didn’t believe in marriage and all sort of stuff. So I was, like, all right, cool, whatever. But end of the date, we’re ready to go home, and he says, “Well, wait, what are we calling us?” I said, “Well, nothing, we’re just hanging out, obviously, because you’re not interested in anything.” And he said, “Oh, no, we’re dating.” So I said, “Okay.” And that was it.
Ben: That’s it. He was patient. All he had to do was wait and then I would crazy my way into him.
Ben: But he didn’t know that I always get my man.
James: They eventually moved in together and things are going great, but then…
Ben: At the end of 2010, Ben got sick. He had pneumonia. He sort of started to get weaker and weaker and spend more and more time in bed.
Ben: I was sick for, like, three months, actually, and didn’t go to the doctor because I was stupid.
Ben: Because he’s a man…
Ben: [unintelligible 00:17:51] insurance either, so…
Ben: Yeah. And finally, it got to the point where he had been in bed—not speaking, not eating, not—no water, not getting up—for a couple of days. And I said, “We are going to the urgent care. Now, you can get out of bed and put on some clothes or I will literally drag you with whatever you’re wearing down the stairs and to my car. Like, that’s your choice. That’s—you are going nonetheless.” We went to the urgent care and he got checked out and then we got a call the next day from the doctor that said, “You need to go to the emergency room now.”
Ben: So we’re in the emergency room, and they took me in right away, which is odd, because they normally don’t do that unless you’re, like, falling apart. And they tried to take blood and they couldn’t because I was so dehydrated. They stuck me 19 times trying to get blood out and they couldn’t. So finally, they had to knock me out. Basically, wound up finding out at that time—not only did I have bacterial pneumonia, but 19 T cells, which means I had full blown AIDS. They said I would have, like, a 50/50 chance of surviving. The next evening, I had complete respiratory failure, white light, everything, you know?
Ben: I remember he started saying, “I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t breathe.” And we called the nurse and the nurse came in and then all of a sudden, somebody shoved me out of the room and there were, like, seven people in there, and they brought in all the machines and the carts. And they were, like, jumping around and yelling and all sorts of things happening. And I didn’t, I didn’t—I had no idea what was going on, because I was out in the hallway, sort of. I guess a little shell-shocked and a little desolate, you know? And then they bring a cart in, they move him out to somewhere else and then everybody else leaves. They take the carts out, everything’s gone. And so—and then I’m still just sort of sitting there squatting against the wall in the hallway, like, shaking. I don't know what to do, I don't know what’s going on. And so I just stand up and go back into the room and start collecting his things. Maybe 20 minutes later, somebody comes in and says, “Oh, oh, are you still here?” I yelled, “Yeah, where—I mean, yes, where should I be? Tell me.” And so they told me where the ICU was and I went. And at that point, he was in a coma. And then it was purgatory. All I can remember is darkness and everything just felt, like, the lights were turned off all the time and he was lying there, unresponsive. And so I would stay there until I couldn’t feel my butt anymore from sitting. And I would go home and sleep on the couch, like, I couldn’t even sleep in the bed, and just take a shot of whiskey to calm my nerves and then go to sleep. Wake up the next day and go back to the hospital and just sit with him and talk and read and do whatever I could. And I reenacted several times the scene from Steel Magnolias where she’s reading out of the Cosmo magazine. But that’s just because I’m gay.
[Music]
Ben: At some point, one of the doctors or nurses says, “You should probably get tested as well.” And I said, “Oh, I guess I should.” And even though we had both been tested within a reasonable amount of time…
Ben: Yeah, we had both tested negative that same year. I tested negative twice that same year, so…
Ben: So I went across the street to the Planned Parenthood—God bless Planned Parenthood—and they just—they gave me the little minute test and I tested positive.
James: Ben’s husband was in a coma for seven days.
Female: Do you remember the first conversation you had after you came to?
Ben: No. Do you?
Ben: Yes.
Ben: What was it?
Ben: Some nurse at the hospital convinced him that I already knew I was positive and I was lying about it.
Ben: It all sounded very logical. She said, “There’s no way he could have been positive for this long and not known about it.”
Ben: She was just assuming on her own.
Ben: Yeah, and then planted a seed of strife for the next several months.
Ben: Year.
Ben: I think probably until the wedding.
Ben: Yeah, probably, yeah. It was a very emotional time.
Ben: We went through a lot of emotional turmoil trying to—just trying to come to terms with the fact that we were now positive and that that’s who we were as a couple.
Ben: Yeah. And just to make it clear, we both were—found out we were already obviously positive when we met and just didn’t know.
James: It was a really tough time for them as a couple. This is a incredibly serious, life-altering diagnosis, but it’s manageable if you have the money and resources, like, a good healthcare plan to get the treatment you need. Luckily, Ben had just gotten a job that gave him healthcare. But his husband wasn’t covered, which is why they didn’t just stay together—they got married as fast as they could.
Ben: Yeah, I hobbled him over to the, to the, like, Moneygram bulletproof window down the street, because there was a, there was a notary there, yeah. And said, “We’re going to sign this paperwork so that we can start, if—when I get insurance next month. We can start getting you on my insurance and then we can deal with this. We can both have—this will be at least a little bit easier for both of us.” And then after that, we realized that, oh, yeah, right, we’re kind of married now. So he said, “No, you know, what? That wasn’t good enough, like, I really—if we’re going to do this, I really want a wedding.” So we did.
[Music]
Ben: We wrote, like, co-vows.
Ben: Yeah, we, like, just read it together.
Ben: And cried. Oh, it was so nice. We cried a lot and we danced and we ate and we hugged everybody and we took a photo with every single person there.
Ben: Yeah.
James: In the eight years since they got married, they traveled all over together. But Ben insisted that they still haven’t had a honeymoon.
Ben: There’s something about it that seems, like, if we—the longer we wait to take our honeymoon, like, the longer—I feel very superstitious about it. That if we, if we don’t take our honeymoon, it means that the honeymoon period isn’t over yet or, like, the marriage is still fresh or—I don't know. That we still get to love each other that much more and we don’t have to fall—even though sometimes we do—we don’t have to fall into the, like, old married couple boring phase of our life yet.
Ben: Lay on the couch and watch Netflix.
Ben: Yeah.
Female: Because you were still planning your honeymoon?
Ben: Yeah, right, because we hadn’t even taken the honeymoon yet, how could we be in the boring phase?
James: Like most couples, the simple solution to keep things fresh is to try new things. Like, take a cooking class together or do a weekend getaway or try out some new things in bed. But the Bens took it a step further and said, “Hey, we both like the leather fetish, we both like going to leather bars, we both can make leather attire if we wanted. So why don’t we just jump in and join the leather community?”
Ben: Like, let’s just throw that caution to the wind and do all of the things that we’ve always wanted to do that we never got a chance to or that we’ve been too scared to do. And so we just—we literally took all of that fear—or for me, I took all of that fear that I had and put it aside, because suddenly it was okay. And then we started to explore. And then, of course, because we’re costumers, leather—the actual leather itself became a big part of that.
James: Now, after being a part of the leather community for just a year, Ben is competing for the title of Mr. Los Angeles Leather. He really wants to win, but Ben is totally aware that he, as a white man, running for a title that has not gone to a person of color for the past four years.
Ben: So if I don’t win, probably it’s going to be—not only are we all great, so it doesn’t matter who wins, it’s going to be somebody great—but probably it’s going to be a person of color who is not necessarily seen as much in the world and doesn’t get to represent things and doesn’t get to be in charge, because we just haven’t let them. And that would be ideal, like, I think I want to see in my life, more people of color, more women, more trans-folks, more gender non-conforming folks. Like, I want to see more people that don’t resemble the dominant image of power.
James: The competition is tomorrow. And Ben is still prepping for it. He’s actually still writing his speech, which most contestants say is the most nerve-wracking part. It’s where they have to stand on stage in front of hundreds of people and they have to give a 90-second memorized speech.
Ben: Some people say in a speech you have to make them laugh, make them cry and make them hard—in 90 seconds, which is difficult and scary. I’ve written several speeches and I wander around in my speech until I find what I want to say and then I figure it out. So it’s hard for me to be concise, sorry. So we’ll see. It’s going to be—I think we’re all going to be a little bit of a bundle of nerves.
James: So it is finally the morning of the competition. It’s located at this newly renovated, historic theater in downtown LA. And everyone seems a bit stressed out. The crew is running around the getting the stage set up. Contestants are pacing and making sure their leather gear looks perfect. And then there is Ben, just sitting in a corner and chilling out.
Ben: There’s just a lot of chaos. It’s kind of wonderful.
James: How you feeling right now?
Ben: Calm, actually. I think when everyone else gets chaotic, I tend to oppose that. So when there’s a lot of craziness happening and everybody’s just sort of rushing around, I tend to kind of take a moment to myself in the corner, which is nice.
James: The crowds won’t arrive for the next eight hours or so, but the competition starts now.
[Music]
James: The very first round actually takes place in private. It’s an interview with a panel of judges who will grill you about everything. And, like, some of the questions can be really personal. Like, “What are your kinks?” whether it’s bonding or fisting or something else—or, like, “Describe in detail the first time you had sex in a BDSM setting.” Like, you got to be raw and open to this panel of judges for them to score you high, because leather is all about kink. The judges need to know whoever becomes the next Mr. Los Angeles Leather, they have to truly live and breathe it. If you’re going to be a spokesperson for the community and the face of the community, you can’t just look the part. You got to walk the walk too, especially the kink part of it. Now, it’s Ben’s turn to be grilled by the judges.
[Music]
James: And he didn’t want us to record it. I’m not sure if the pressure got to him or what, but Alyssa caught him in the alley behind the theater afterwards.
Alyssa: How did it feel?
Ben: It felt good. I’ve had this, sort of, knot in my stomach for all day, and it started to release, which is really nice.
Alyssa: How do you feel like they reacted to you?
Ben: Okay. I think it was good, it wasn’t exactly what I wanted to see from them. There were a couple of moments when I feel like maybe what I did wasn’t—it was what I wanted to do, but not necessarily what they wanted to see. But I don’t feel bad about that.
James: There was one contestant who did let us record their interview with the judges. And he kind of killed it. It’s Spike, the guy who said he could kick your ass and do your makeup.
Spike: I kind of want to tell you about my mom. Like I said, she was—she’s fantastic, she was—you know, we were always struggling, running around. She became my backbone. Sometimes she put sex before me. And, you know, it wasn’t until I got older that I understood the need to [unintelligible 00:32:01] feeling. And we’ve talked about it, you know, we’ve come to a common ground. And I introduced her into—she now is a happily married woman, she has a submissive, you know, she’s into the kink world. She understands me, she doesn’t shame me, she posts my booty all over her wall at work. She does not give a fuck, and that’s who I want to be like, you know? And I don’t think anyone should be ashamed, where they came from, who they are or what they’re doing.
James: Spike’s love for leather began in elementary school. His dad used to make a living shining shoes in Mexico, and as a way for his dad to bond with his son, they would polish leather shoes on the weekends. And those memories are still fresh.
Spike: I’m about eye level with these boots that go up to, like, you know, right below the knee on him, and they’re, they’re dirty, they have dirt on them. There’s a couple cracks. Brings out this little box and sets it down and puts on an apron and kind of, like, has a little bench and kneels down and sits down. And then puts his hands inside the boots and starts to oil them up and, you know, grease them out. You can see the ash building up on the end of his cigarette because he was too preoccupied with shining the boot and not smoking the cigarette. It was just amazing, it was amazing. And at that point, I think, like, I respected my father. So it was admirable and I thought it was very important. I think that’s also, like, one of the memories I hold near and dear, because I feel like that was, like, the last time I looked at him with respect, when I wasn’t afraid.
James: As Spike grew up, his relationship with his dad got worse. His dad used to hit Spike because he would wear women’s clothing and makeup. His parents ended up getting a divorce and Spike lived with his mom until he graduated high school. He moved out, got his own place in LA, and that’s when he discovered the queer leather scene.
Spike: I was recently 21. I still had a girlfriend and I had a boy on the side that were just kind of, like, you know, messing around. And I was, like, you know what, I’m going to go to this gay bar down the street. And I walked, like, a mile to the gay bar. And it was the Faultline. And I just remember, like, seeing pictures of—like, all the Tom of Finland stuff and, like, people blowing each other and, like, people drinking and smoking and hanging out and, like, playing pool. And my heart’s beating fast and I’m kind of scared but I’m kind of turned on at the same time, you know? And I got hit on, you know, and I made out with a man, not someone my own age, and that was also very sexy. I was, like, well, here I am, 21 years old barely, you know, making out with a 55-year-old man who’s buff and big and huge and bigger than me—and I’m scared, but I’m turned on, but also in my head I feel like I’m bigger than him, you know, like, there’s all these kinds of thoughts. And I started going every weekend.
[Music]
James: After feeling like an outcast his entire life, Spike finally found a community that he was into. But the community wasn’t quite into him. Spike doesn’t like following conventions, he wears dresses and lipstick with his leather boots and jacket. And the scene has a lot of people who are very strict about following the leather tradition, of holding the Tom of Finland look to the standard of how one should look, because they want to preserve that history. I mean, it got to a point where at last year’s Mr. LA Leather contest, one of the contestants, Fifi, came out in a dress. And the leather community was freaking out about it. But eventually Fifi became Spike’s mentor, and encouraged him to run for this year’s title, because he thought that Spike symbolized a new movement in the leather community, that there shouldn’t just be one way to look like a leather man.
Spike: There is people saying, like, a man in a dress has no place in the leather community. And I think that’s wrong. Society has told you that you can’t do something for so long, and then realizing that I’m my own person and no one can fucking tell me what to do anymore, you know? So I just started pushing it and pushing it hard. You know, I wear skirts with t-shirts, I wear overalls with high heels, just whatever I feel like wearing that day is the way I do it. And sometimes I feel like wearing a dress, and sometimes I feel like wearing high heels, and sometimes I feel like wearing combat boots and shorts. Like, they’re all just different forms of my expression. And sometimes, people are going to point fingers and say things, but if they listen and if you talk, you can change their mind.
James: The sun is now beginning to set and the theater is filing up with people dressed in their leather best. It’s already been a long day for these contestants, but the competition has only just begun.
[Music]
James: From here on out, these rounds will take place on the main stage, where there’s lights, music, fog machines, and of course, an audience.
[Audience cheers]
James: As the crowd is getting all amped up, Alyssa and I decided to go backstage to see how Ben and Spike were feeling.
Alyssa: How are you feeling?
Ben: I’m so freaking ready.
Spike: Yeah, no, I’m so excited, I’m so pumped up.
Alyssa: Is Ben out there in the VIP section?
Ben: He is, I didn’t see him inside, but I saw him actually drive by the alley while I was outside, we got to say hello and we love each other.
Alyssa: You seem like you’re, like, ready to do this. You’re excited in a good way.
Ben: Oh, yeah, no, I’m—I feel like a boxer at this point, that I’m, like, super pumped up and I’m ready to go out there and—I mean, I don’t want to say kill it, but, like, really do my best to be myself.
James: How you feeling right now?
Spike: I’m feeling great, actually, I’ve been up since 7:00. But I’m feeling great, I’m feeling good.
James: How badly do you want to win this thing?
Spike: I want it really, really bad, because I want to make a difference and I think it’s time.
James: So now, there are three rounds left in the competition. There’s the bar-wear round, where the contestants dress up in something they’d wear to impress someone, and then they have to answer a serious question.
Announcer: What is something that you want to community to give back to you as a titleholder?
Male: Wow, all right. More frisky bottoms [phonetic 00:39:08].
[crowd cheers]
James: There’s also the swimsuit round, you know, like, Ms. America, where the contestants wear basically nothing but a jockstrap, which is not like Ms. America.
Announcer: All right, so another round—tell me what we’re doing.
Male: As little as possible. I believe you. Go ahead and grab onto. I have a little something extra to grab onto.
James: But the most challenging round, the round that pretty much every contestant is dreading is the speech round, where each contestant goes on stage and gives a 90-second speech about whatever they want. The lights dim, the music goes quiet.
[Audience cheers]
Announcer: And here is contestant number four. This is Spike.
[Crowd cheers]
Spike: Our shared history begins with a bunch of crazy, kinky queers coming together and ‘cumming’ together. As early as the 1940s around this motorcycle and leather culture. While the rest of the world was saying you’re sick, you’re a sinner, you are less than a man, this underground leather world was saying, feed me your sickness, get on your knees, you are a man and you have a home.
James: As I’m looking around, I see the entire theater just laser-focused on Spike. He’s pouring his heart into this speech, and the audience is hooked.
Spike: I know who I am. I’m someone who remembers the smell of his father’s freshly polished boots with fear and excitement. I’m someone who loves the sound of leather hitting flesh and the cooling touch of air on my skin. I’m someone who wears heels and makeup, I’m someone who would be proud to represent and reflect the city that I love. A city that is diverse, complicated, influential and significant in our history. I am Spike. And I like leather.
[Crowd cheers]
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, contestant number four, this is Spike.
James: Up next is Ben.
Ben: We’ve been saying it all week, I’m going to say it again—we all have a [unintelligible 00:41:49] I’m going to shout it from the rooftops so the whole world out there can hear it. The world out there—because in here, we are all different, in the play spaces, in the living rooms, in the meeting halls, at the bars—we’re all totally different. I have a lot of kinks and fetishes, but by God, I don’t have them all. I’ve seen a lot of what you all do and some of it is not my bag. And certainly, when you see me kneeling thirstily by the trough or you see the bumps on my back turn to bruises, that’s not real either. And that is awesome. Listen, I’m not the same color as a lot of you, I don’t speak the same language in the same way, I don’t have the same equipment and I certainly don’t use what I got in the same way. But I can damn sure promise all of y’all that I will come to you always from a place of love, of compassion, of respect, inquisitiveness and sexiness that has both temper and exciting consent.
James: He is just so confident on stage. And the crowd is just eating it up.
Ben: We know we are talented and we know we are worthy. And when y’all figure that out, you give us a call because we are still going to be here.
[Crowd cheers]
Announcer: This is Ben Caufier.
[Music]
James: Both Ben and Spike absolutely killed it. I mean, they both spent months and months preparing for this competition, rehearsing their speeches, getting their looks just right. And after this long day of competing, there’s only one thing that is standing in their way from the title. And that’s waiting for the judges to tabulate the score.
[Music]
James: Okay, so there was about a 30-minute delay, because there was a tie. The judges were backstage going over the numbers again and again to make sure that they got it right. And then finally, the music stops and the moment comes.
Announcer: And your new Mr. Los Angeles Leather 2018 is Ben Caufier.
[Crowd cheers]
James: There wasn’t a lot of times to focus on Ben’s win. As soon as it was announced, this like electro-music started playing, and suddenly the venue turned into this crazy dance party. So Alyssa sprinted around to try to find Ben, and as she was doing that, I went to go look for Spike.
James: Spike, Spike, Spike. How are you feeling that you had to wait, like, 30 minutes for the results to come in?
Spike: Honestly, I really needed to fucking puke. I wanted to, like, vomit. I smoked a cigarette and then really, really—I was, like, that was a bad idea.
James: Oh, no.
Spike: You know, nerves get to you, but it was great.
James: So on-stage, what was going through your mind after each round?
Spike: Honestly, it kind of just happens organically and, like, you know, when you become something else, the beast unleashes and then you don’t even really—it was a blur, it was a blur and so much fun.
James: Oh, my God—so going forward now, what’s next for you?
Spike: Bigger and better and harder and stronger. And we’re going to, you know, bring diversity to the leather community.
James: So finally, after running around everywhere, Alyssa finally found Ben outside with his husband.
Alyssa: How are you feeling in this moment?
Ben: I don't know, I’m not even here. Oh, my God, this is incredible. Like, I feel like my brain has taken leave of my body.
Alyssa: How surprised were you?
Ben: A lot. Shit. All right. All right. Oh, God, I don’t even know what to think.
Ben: I wasn’t surprised at all.
Ben: You’re contractually obligated.
Alyssa: How were you feeling in the audience when that happened?
Ben: Speechless, mostly. Emotional. Of course they did. It was obvious he was going to win, to me, anyway.
[People in background congratulating Ben.]
Ben: I’m going to go back in, yeah. All right. Bye.
[knocking on door]
James: So after the competition was all done, I decided to go to Ben’s house to see how things are going as the new Mr. Los Angeles Leather and, you know, if winning the title has made him sort of a celebrity in the community.
Ben: No, I didn’t…
Ben: He has lots of fans, he has lots of fans, yes.
Ben: No, I—because I think I’m relatively good at knowing the difference—because I work in Hollywood and I see what fans look like and what they do and how they operate, there were a couple of times, like, I went back to Raleigh, North Carolina to see my parents and went out to a leather bar one night, and there was one guy that saw my vest and was, like, “Oh, my God, you’re Mr. LA,” and it was hilarious. But mostly, people either see the vest and don’t mention it, but they’re still talking to the vest rather than to me, or they were already my friends to begin with. So I feel like rather than having a bunch of fan moments, I just got a bunch of new friends. I just—oh, God, that sounds terrible, right? Like, that sounds super cheesy.
Ben: Yeah. But also at the same time, you’re much more approachable than previous Mr. LA Leather’s.
James: And like previous Mr. LA Leathers, Ben is also another white man who won the title. And he’s totally aware of that. He actually kind of has some guilt about winning. But that’s why he wants to make sure that the community grows and includes more men, who don’t look like a Tom of Finland drawing.
Ben: Honestly, the thing that I wanted at the beginning was just for more young people and people of color to come to the Bears LA pool parties, that was—it was pretty simple. And then, sort of, all of this came on top of it. So I guess what I would like is for more young people and people of color, and people who don’t necessarily look like a Tom of Finland man, to be able to think that they have a place in this world, if they want one. And if they don’t want one, I don’t want them here.
James: Last time you talked to Alyssa, you said that you didn’t take a honeymoon because you wanted this honeymoon phase to not be over. Has that changed?
Ben: No, no, it wasn’t that—listen, our honeymoon was—I think at some point I said, “When you take me to Hawaii,” because he’s from Hawaii, “When you take me to Hawaii, that will be our honeymoon.” And you still haven’t done that. But we’ve been to a whole lot of other places. So I don't know, I think we’re probably—I don't know, technically I guess we’re still in the honeymoon phase.
Ben: Yeah, we haven’t technically gone on our honeymoon, so we haven’t gone anywhere and called it honeymoon, so I guess not.
Ben: Maybe we never will.
[Music]
Charlie: All right, friends and family, thanks for joining us this week on Tales of Your City. This show is produced by Netflix with Pineapple Street Media. Our music is by Hansdale Hsu. You can find us every Monday wherever you find your podcasts. This episode was an excerpt from the podcast, The Competition. It was produced by James Kim, Cameron Kell [phonetic 00:50:51] and Eliza Dudley, and edited by Josh Gwynn [phonetic 00:50:54], original music by Cameron Kell and James Kim. If you enjoyed what you heard, spread the joy, tell a friend, your family, whether biological or chosen. And don’t forget to rate and subscribe to Tales of Your City on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. And you can watch me in Tales of the City, available on Netflix now.